Monday, March 2, 2009
Time to leave it all behind.
Do you ever feel like you just don't know who you are anymore?
Lately i feel so lost in everything, i feel so uneasy and confused. I don't know what to do...i feel as if I've become this person...this person i cant even recognize..and i don't like it..i just want to be me..but i don't know how to..Who am i? It's like everyday i wake up and i do the same thing over and over...im not saying im not happy..but i find i guess maybe im not doing everything i can to be happy...im just settling with what i think makes me most happy...when deep down it's like..i convince myself it's what i want..when it's really not..How do i fix it? And i feel horrible...because i just am blinded by everything..and i listen to what people say and think..but then i just dont take it in..What am i doing? Why do i let myself feel like this instead of doing something..Maybe i just dont want to hurt anyone..or myself..im so sick of who i've become...the thing's ive said and done..im ashamed of..embaressed...i dont want to be that person anymore..im just dragging myself down..fast n faster as each day passes...When is it just going change? *Sigh*
-Whiteboi OUT
Lately i feel so lost in everything, i feel so uneasy and confused. I don't know what to do...i feel as if I've become this person...this person i cant even recognize..and i don't like it..i just want to be me..but i don't know how to..Who am i? It's like everyday i wake up and i do the same thing over and over...im not saying im not happy..but i find i guess maybe im not doing everything i can to be happy...im just settling with what i think makes me most happy...when deep down it's like..i convince myself it's what i want..when it's really not..How do i fix it? And i feel horrible...because i just am blinded by everything..and i listen to what people say and think..but then i just dont take it in..What am i doing? Why do i let myself feel like this instead of doing something..Maybe i just dont want to hurt anyone..or myself..im so sick of who i've become...the thing's ive said and done..im ashamed of..embaressed...i dont want to be that person anymore..im just dragging myself down..fast n faster as each day passes...When is it just going change? *Sigh*
-Whiteboi OUT
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Take me awayy.
So basically when i think im actually having a good day of course it get's fucked up.
I'm so sick of feeling like this. It's so hard to find anyone who can relate or even understand how i feel inside. I always feel so overwhelmed..and i don't know how to vent..i guess this is a way but it cant take away how much i hurt inside..i hate that i get annoyed and angry at the smallest things.. im so touchy all the time...even someone talking to me can just set me off i get all angry over nothing. Why do i do it? why do i feel like this?I figure ever since ive moved i havent been myself..noone here really know's me..hell i dont even know myself anymore..im so lost..everyday im just not motivated to do anything..i dont give a shit to be honest.. Why do i feel like everything is falling down around me? Another thing that i cant stand is constantly being nagged to do things..and when i do what im asked like...noones ever greatfull...i feel so unappreacited sometimes...especially in my home...no wonder i love to go out.. ever since my dads been gone im the one who has to pick up after everyone and i find my mom takes it all out on me...she doesnt realize how much it effects me...how much it tears me apart...i try so hard ..and noone ever see's it.. Noone will ever get me..i guess as many people i have that are here for me and help me ...noone can ever understand what im going through..only me..i really am in it alone.. but i guess it's something i have to do ..maybe its something im meant to do alone..all i know is that its hard.. And im literally physically and emotionally exhausted...and then i find myself overthinking stupid things then i cant sleep like im just destroying myself. i dont know what to do anymore i guess i could continue to act like nothing is wrong...nothing i can do at this point...you might think ive given up but no ive just lost hope..ive found whenever i try to make something work..it just falls apart anyways...im just going to have to work this day through day..i just wish i didnt have to hurt like this anymore..
-Whiteboi OUT
I'm so sick of feeling like this. It's so hard to find anyone who can relate or even understand how i feel inside. I always feel so overwhelmed..and i don't know how to vent..i guess this is a way but it cant take away how much i hurt inside..i hate that i get annoyed and angry at the smallest things.. im so touchy all the time...even someone talking to me can just set me off i get all angry over nothing. Why do i do it? why do i feel like this?I figure ever since ive moved i havent been myself..noone here really know's me..hell i dont even know myself anymore..im so lost..everyday im just not motivated to do anything..i dont give a shit to be honest.. Why do i feel like everything is falling down around me? Another thing that i cant stand is constantly being nagged to do things..and when i do what im asked like...noones ever greatfull...i feel so unappreacited sometimes...especially in my home...no wonder i love to go out.. ever since my dads been gone im the one who has to pick up after everyone and i find my mom takes it all out on me...she doesnt realize how much it effects me...how much it tears me apart...i try so hard ..and noone ever see's it.. Noone will ever get me..i guess as many people i have that are here for me and help me ...noone can ever understand what im going through..only me..i really am in it alone.. but i guess it's something i have to do ..maybe its something im meant to do alone..all i know is that its hard.. And im literally physically and emotionally exhausted...and then i find myself overthinking stupid things then i cant sleep like im just destroying myself. i dont know what to do anymore i guess i could continue to act like nothing is wrong...nothing i can do at this point...you might think ive given up but no ive just lost hope..ive found whenever i try to make something work..it just falls apart anyways...im just going to have to work this day through day..i just wish i didnt have to hurt like this anymore..
-Whiteboi OUT
You save me.
Wow my second day of blogging. I must say it's a good way to let it all out but at the same time scary to put all my thoughts and feeling's out there. My good friend made me start blogging and even though i just started yesterday i guess it already has made me feel a bit better. Thanks friend you know who you are. I never know what to start talking about in these so i guess ill just go with whatever is on my mind.
I guess ill talk about friend's because everyone has them...unless your a loner then sorry i guess you cant relate to this. First off i think its stupid when people think they can have ONE best friend.. wtf is that bull shit haha excuse my language but come on. Ive come to realize that a bestfriend isnt someone who you hang out with the most..or who you talk to the most. i think when it comes down to it your best friend(s) are the one's no matter where you are, whatever position your in, no matter how long its been since you talked... you know that they will be there. They are the person who will defend you when people are talking shit about you instead of being all "Oh yeah well they said this n this". My bestfriend(s) mean alot to me..especially when your friendship grows over time and you know you can tell them absolutley anything and not have to worry about if they will judge you or not.. I consider myself pretty damn lucky for the friends i have. I find it way easier to talk to my best friend(s) rather than my family. I dont know why maybe the fact im not very close with my parent's or well comfortable enough to tell them what's on my mind or how i feel ..i guess its just easier to tell someone who might even be able to relate to you or just someone you can trust. I know i rambled on alot basically my point is i LOVE my bestfriends , they mean alot to me andd i basically dont know what id do without them. Life get's hard sometimes but when it does i know they always got my back.
-Whiteboi OUT
I guess ill talk about friend's because everyone has them...unless your a loner then sorry i guess you cant relate to this. First off i think its stupid when people think they can have ONE best friend.. wtf is that bull shit haha excuse my language but come on. Ive come to realize that a bestfriend isnt someone who you hang out with the most..or who you talk to the most. i think when it comes down to it your best friend(s) are the one's no matter where you are, whatever position your in, no matter how long its been since you talked... you know that they will be there. They are the person who will defend you when people are talking shit about you instead of being all "Oh yeah well they said this n this". My bestfriend(s) mean alot to me..especially when your friendship grows over time and you know you can tell them absolutley anything and not have to worry about if they will judge you or not.. I consider myself pretty damn lucky for the friends i have. I find it way easier to talk to my best friend(s) rather than my family. I dont know why maybe the fact im not very close with my parent's or well comfortable enough to tell them what's on my mind or how i feel ..i guess its just easier to tell someone who might even be able to relate to you or just someone you can trust. I know i rambled on alot basically my point is i LOVE my bestfriends , they mean alot to me andd i basically dont know what id do without them. Life get's hard sometimes but when it does i know they always got my back.
-Whiteboi OUT
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Life's a Bitch and so are the people in it.
Hi so basically, I have no idea why I'm writing this blog. I guess maybe because I just don't have anything else to do or maybe because there's some stuff that I'm thinking I just need to get off my chest.
Lately I've been extremely confused, and I truly don't know why. I find myself constantly in a bad mood..and most of the time i completely hide how i feel from everyone around me. I guess i think it will help me if i just keep it to myself but i guess that's my problem..i don't know how to let people in and tell them how i feel. How can i get help if im not willing to talk? I guess it also comes down to the people i thought i could talk to..i cant...i guess when you lose that one person who knows absolutely everything about you ..you dont know who else to turn to and for that fact if to turn to anyone else? i guess i think if i let someone into my life again like i did before there's a chance ill just get hurt again. I guess all i can do from here on out is hope thing's will get better.. I just dont know where to go from here..i know i can put up a front of being okay for my family and some friends..but i cant do that anymore..im basically my worst enemy im tearing my own life apart piece by piece, day by day without even knowing it.. I wish i could just get the help i needed..without being scared of what people will say when i say how i really feel inside. But until then i can only hope thing's will get better.. thing's can only improve when its already at it's worst right?
-Whiteboi OUT
Lately I've been extremely confused, and I truly don't know why. I find myself constantly in a bad mood..and most of the time i completely hide how i feel from everyone around me. I guess i think it will help me if i just keep it to myself but i guess that's my problem..i don't know how to let people in and tell them how i feel. How can i get help if im not willing to talk? I guess it also comes down to the people i thought i could talk to..i cant...i guess when you lose that one person who knows absolutely everything about you ..you dont know who else to turn to and for that fact if to turn to anyone else? i guess i think if i let someone into my life again like i did before there's a chance ill just get hurt again. I guess all i can do from here on out is hope thing's will get better.. I just dont know where to go from here..i know i can put up a front of being okay for my family and some friends..but i cant do that anymore..im basically my worst enemy im tearing my own life apart piece by piece, day by day without even knowing it.. I wish i could just get the help i needed..without being scared of what people will say when i say how i really feel inside. But until then i can only hope thing's will get better.. thing's can only improve when its already at it's worst right?
-Whiteboi OUT
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